Woman 2 Woman Lounge

Welcome to Beverly Mahone's Baby Boomer Corner. Beverly Mahone is a veteran journalist, author, media coach and motivational speaker who writes about issues affecting middle-aged women in her book, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age. The Ohio University graduate writes candidly about issues including weight gain and menopause, dating after the age of 40 and leaving Corporate America at midlife. She is also enjoying a lucrative speaking career in which she shares her life experiences with other women baby boomer women. Mrs. Mahone joins the Woman2Woman Lounge Team. She will be sharing with our some of the things she has written. We are honored to have her join us here at the Woman2Woman Lounge as our second columnist. We had the pleasure of interviewing Mrs. Mahone here at W2W back in February 2008, you will be encouraged and uplifted upon visiting and reading her inspiring story. We hope you will continue to visit to read what Beverly has to share with us. Beverly also has her own fantastic website that has a wealth of information and interview of Baby Boomers she has interviewed in the past weeks. You can visit her website @ http://www.thebabyboomerdiva.com

Help My Body is Under Attack

Some people call it a midlife crisis. I call it cruel and unusual punishment. My middle aged years have resulted in some spreading, sagging and cellulite---while my breast, stomach and lap are getting better acquainted. Gone are the days when I could chow down at the all-you-can-eat buffets and never gain a pound. These days everything I eat goes straight to my waistline. Sometimes all I have to do is look at food and I gain weight. Over a two-year period, I gained about twenty-five pounds. That may not sound like a lot to you, but to a diva who bragged about being a Miss Size Four, it was very traumatic!

My doctor said the weight gain was the result of my metabolism slowing down. It's all a part of the aging process. But there is good news according to her. "Just cut back on your caloric intake, Beverly, and exercise, she said." That will keep your weight under control.

Oh, that's just great. Not only do I have to eat like a bird. Now I have to sweat like a pig in the gym!

And then there’s something my mother used to call “the change.” Have the seven dwarfs of menopause come knocking at your door yet? If you're not sure, please allow me to make the introductions. There's Sweaty, Bloated, Forgetful, Bitchy, Itchy, Sleepy and All-Dried up. I’ve also discovered that there also more than two dozen hormonal cousins who also run in and out of my body creating havoc. They don't all show up at once, but you can rest assured they will come in, sometimes unannounced and definitely uninvited and, yes, they will wear out their welcome.

These little menaces to society bring night sweats, headaches, fatigue, forgetfulness, muscle and joint pain, urinary incontinence, heart palpitations, anxiety, depression, yeast infections and vaginal dryness into our lives.

According to my gynecologist, over time we may even start to lose our desire for sex. I don't know how you feel about that, but I surely hope it doesn't happen to me---because I'd hate to think I wasted the best years of my sex life on my ex!

My gynecologist says this whole experience, which I now refer to as my personal summer, could last up to twenty years. With that in mind this baby boomer diva is taking the attitude I saw on a bumper sticker not long ago: “I’m still Hot…it just comes in Flashes now!”

Marriage: The Second Time Around

Beverly Mahone

When we get married at a young age, we believe it will last forever. If you look at the divorce rate you will see that unfortunately for some, as time goes on, that happily-ever-after turns into a nightmare and suddenly you find yourself heading to divorce court. But all is not lost because there is still plenty of love in the world and who says you can't have more than one prince charming?

I was one of those women who got marriage in my early twenties. I was head over heels with someone I truly believed was the man of my dreams. But in hindsight, what I discovered was, my first marriage wasn't built on a foundation of love. It was "lust" right from the start. Unfortunately, when the passion started fading away, we realized there was nothing else we had in common. Many young people tend to confuse lust for love and fall into the trap of letting their emotions take control of their logical, rational thinking mind.

Isn't it interesting how differently we think when we're young as opposed to when we grow older and wiser? When I look back over my younger days, I realize I spent way too much time craving the WRONG man for all of the RIGHT reasons. I wanted to feel love, to be loved, and to give love in return but the sex clouded my judgment in making sure I was choosing the right mate. Can you relate? How many times did you ignore someone's red flag warnings because you were head over heels in love with the "idea" of being in love? How often did you justify or simply overlook his or her faults and irresponsible behavior because you were so sure they would change?

Then what happens to your happily ever after? Mine ended abruptly in divorce court and I spent many days and nights trying to understand why I let myself get into such a mess. But thank God for maturity and wisdom! Once I wiped the tears away for good and took off the blinders, I began to see what it really meant to be involved in a meaningful relationship.

One of the beautiful things about growing older is it gives us the benefit of wisdom. That, in turn, allows us to make smarter choices. As for me, I'm smart enough not to believe in love at first sight anymore. One reason being, I don't see quite as well as I used to. I'm also smart enough to be more discriminating in my taste. I've learned how to weed out the imitation from the real thing.

So now I'm happy to say God has blessed me with a new love. He's a man who's strong enough to deal with my strengths, yet gentle enough to understand and cope with my emotional stress and strife. I'm totally enjoying my second marriage and yes, it makes lusting after him even better!

Beverly Mahone writes about dating again at midlife in her book Whatever! A Baby Boomer’s Journey Into Middle Age.

Menopause Myths

Menopause Myth #1

When you go into menopause your sex life is over.

WRONG!

One of the symptoms of perimenopause and menopause is vaginal dryness and the hormonal imbalance can trigger a lack of desire but just like everything else, you can overcome it.

There are plenty of vaginal creams on the market to help soothe the dryness and a vitamin E pill inserted in the vagina can also do the trick.

As far as the lack of sexual desire, you may have to work a little harder on creating the mood mentally and physically but it can be done. Take yourself back to a time in your relationship when the lovin was incredible and meditate on that. Also, don't be afraid to let your mate know what you like and don't like. If he loves you and wants to please you, he shouldn't have any problem doing it your way.

My husband makes me hotter than a hot flash because we have learned how to communicate effectively in the bedroom.

Menopause Myth #2

If you haven’t had a period in several months, you can go off the pill and assume you’re in menopause.

WRONG!

For many women, irregular periods may last several years. The best way to determine whether you have gone into full blown menopause is when you have gone one complete year (12 months) without having a menstrual cycle.

Going off the pill during your erratic periods is not a good idea because you may be vulnerable to getting pregnant.

Menopause Myth #3

There is a cure for Menopause.

No, there is NO CURE but there are measures you can take to ease some of the symptoms associated with menopause. For example, to relieve hot flashes cut back on spicy foods and alcohol. Since it's summer, wear lighter clothing. This also means wear brighter colors. Dark colors like black and brown draw heat and can make you even more uncomfortable.

Get up, get out and exercise and make sure you pump some iron. Also, it's equally important to maintain a healthy diet which should include lots of green vegetables and grains.

Menopause Myth #4

If you're under the age of 45, you're TOO YOUNG to be menopausal.

OH, SO WRONG!!!

It might be unusual for a woman to go through menopause before the age of 45 but it's definitely not impossible. There are women in their mid to late thirties who have been known to experience what is known as perimenopause. The symptoms include:

mood swings

depression

tension headaches

vaginal dryness

lack of sexual drive

inability to focus

night sweats

hot flashes

sleep problems

joint and muscle pain

irregular periods

There are actually 34 symptoms associated with perimenopause and menopause.

If you're experiencing some of these symptoms, talk with your doctor. There is a test you can take to confirm whether or not you're going through the change. And don't accept medication as the end all answer for what ails you---especially if someone wants to give you anti-depressants.

Menopause Myth 5

Menopause leads to other deadly diseases.

First of all, menopause is NOT a disease. It is a natural occurrence in a woman's life. It is a part of the aging process.

Depending on how intense your menopausal symptoms are, you may want to seek some type of treatment. I don't advocate synthetic drugs but that's just me. I have found natural herbal supplements coupled with a diet rich in whole grains, vegetables and fruits work wonders for me.

What is important to remember is you should take good care of yourself by eating healthy and getting some exercise. When I exercise on a consistent basis, my hot flashes are kept to a minimum. Exercise is also a wonderful way to help you maintain a healthy weight. Excess fat CAN lead to other medical problems.

For more articles on menopause and other baby boomer related subjects, visit Ms. Mahone’s website: http://www.boomerdivanation.com You can also pick up a copy of her book, Whatever! A Baby Boomer's Journey Into Middle Age. It's available on amazon.com. and Barnes & Noble.com and her website.

Ten Ways to Know if You Have Estrogen Issues

Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
You live for road rage!
Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
You're crying just because….
You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Menopause and Weight Gain

Beverly Mahone

Are you fighting the battle of the bulge or are you currently in a knock-down drag

out fight with the culprit known as FAT?

If so, you’re not alone. According to one report, the average woman gains about a

pound a year between her mid 40s and her mid 50s. Why? Because as we age,

our metabolism slows down; therefore, we burn fewer calories than we did when

we were twenty-something and living a very active lifestyle. Just think about all

of the things you used to do and compare it to what you do n0w. When was the

last time you went dancing or jogging or played tennis? I used to love to go

hiking. These days you’d have to pay me to climb hills and trek through miles of

woods just for the sake of having fun. I’d much rather sit and spend a nice quiet

evening with my husband having a candlelight dinner. It’s that sedentary

lifestyle we start to become accustomed to as we grow older. Because of our

hectic schedules with work and family, there doesn’t seem to be enough time left

in the day to do anything but rest. And while we’re resting, so are the fat cells in

our stomach, hips, thighs and rear-end.

During menopause is when most women start to put on weight around the

abdominal area. You may be eating and exercising exactly the same as you

always were but still can’t seem to maintain your weight. As you enter the early

stages of menopause, maintaining weight becomes more and more difficult, and

losing weight becomes almost impossible. This is because of the fluctuation in

your hormones.

Your changing hormones: Estrogen is the female sex hormone that is

responsible for causing monthly ovulation. During menopause, your estrogen

levels decline rapidly, causing your body to stop ovulating. However, estrogen

also seems to play a big role in menopausal weight gain. As your ovaries produce

less estrogen, your body looks for other places to get the needed estrogen. Fat

cells in your body can produce estrogen, so your body works harder to convert

calories into fat to increase estrogen levels. Unfortunately, fat cells don’t burn

calories the way muscle cells do, which causes you to pack on the unwanted

pounds.

Progesterone: During menopause, progesterone levels will also decrease. Like

estrogen, lower levels of this hormone can be responsible for many of the

symptoms of menopause and that includes weight gain, or at least the appearance

of it. Water retention and menopause often go hand in hand since water weight

and bloating are caused by decreased progesterone levels. Though this doesn’t

actually result in weight gain, your clothes will probably feel a bit tighter and you

may feel a bit heavier. Water retention and bloating usually disappear within a

few months.

Androgen: This hormone is responsible for sending your new weight directly to

your stomach area. In fact, weight gain during menopausal years is often known

as "middle age spread" because of the rapid growth of the mid-section. Often, one

of the first signs of menopause is an increase of androgen in your body, which

causes you to gain weight around your abdominals instead of around your lower half.

Testosterone: Testosterone helps your body to create lean muscle mass out of

the calories that you take in. Muscle cells burn more calories than fat cells do,

increasing your metabolism. In natural menopause, levels of testosterone drop

resulting in the loss of this muscle. Unfortunately, this means a lower

metabolism. The lower your metabolism is, the slower your body burns calories.

But changing hormone levels associated with menopause aren't the only cause for

weight gain. Aging and lifestyle factors play a big role in your changing body

composition.

Treatment:

Eat a balanced diet. Avoid refined sugars and indulge in fruits and vegetables.
Avoid crash diets. Starvation will only cause your metabolism to slow down, causing you to gain more weight later on.
Don’t lose large amounts of weight. Being very thin can lead to an increased chance of developing osteoporosis.
Limit your intake of caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol. These can exacerbate water retention.
Remain active. Do aerobics to increase your metabolism and burn fat. Do weight bearing activities such as walking and cycling to increase muscle mass and ward off osteoporosis.

Exercise: Fact vs. Fiction

This year, millions of Americans made the resolution to lose weight. However, many have probably already gotten frustrated and given up their goals before they are reached. Contributing to this problem is the host of bad information regarding diet and exercise circulating through gyms, workplaces, and the internet. So let me clarify some myths for the record:

1. Crunches will get rid of your belly fat.
False. “You can’t pick and choose areas where you’d like to burn fat”, says Tyne. “In order to burn fat, you should create a workout that includes both cardiovascular and strength training elements. This will decrease your overall body fat content”.

2. Stretching before exercise is crucial.
False. Some studies have suggested that stretching actually increases muscles’ susceptibility to injury. They claim that by stretching, our muscle fibers are lengthened and destabilized, making them less prepared for the strain placed upon them by exercise. “You might want to warm-up and stretch before a run, but if you are lifting weights wait until after the workout to stretch the muscles,” adds Tyne.

3. You should never eat before a workout.
False. "Fuel" coming from food and fluids is required to provide the energy for your muscles to work efficiently even if you are doing an early morning workout. “Consider eating a small meal or snack one to three hours prior to exercise. Load up your tank with premium ‘fuel’ and choose some fruit, yogurt, or whole wheat toast,” says Bender.

4. Lifting weights will make women bulky.
False. “Most women’s bodies do not produce nearly enough testosterone to become ‘bulky’ like those body builders on TV,” says Tyne. If you do find yourself getting bigger then you would like simply use less weight and higher repetitions.

5. Fat is bad for you, no matter what kind.
False. Contrary to popular belief, there are plenty of “good fats” out there that are essential to promoting good health and aid in disease prevention. “They are the ones that occur naturally in foods like avocados, nuts, and fish, as opposed to those that are manufactured,” says Bender. "Including small amounts of these foods at meal times can help you to feel full longer and therefore eat less.”

6. Restricting calories is the best way to lose weight.
False. Both cutting back on calories and moving more will help you lose weight and maintain lean muscle mass needed to boost metabolism. However, often individuals think they must take drastic measures to lose weight (ex. eating less than 1200 calories), but this does not usually provide adequate fuel for the body and may slow metabolism. “ Drastic measures rarely equal lasting results, so start small and eliminate 100-300 calories consistently from your daily diet and you will reap the reward,” says Bender.

7. As long as you eat healthy foods, you can eat as much as you want.
False. A calorie, is a calorie. Although oatmeal is healthy, if you have 4 cups of oatmeal, the calories add up. “Healthy or otherwise, you still must be aware of portion sizes,” says Bender. "You must limit your caloric intake in order to lose weight, however, understanding how to ‘balance’ calorie intake throughout your day can help you avoid feelings of deprivation, hunger and despair,” adds Bender.

8. Exercise turns fat into muscle.
Fat and muscle tissue are composed of two entirely different types of cells. “While you can lose one and replace it with another, the two never “convert” into different forms,” says Tyne. “So fat will never turn into muscle.”

9. Eating late at night will make you gain weight.
False. “There are no ‘magic’ hours,” says Bender. “We associate late night eating with weight gain because we usually consume more calories at night. We do this because we usually deprive our bodies of adequate calories the first half of the day. Start the day out with breakfast and eat every 3-4 hours. Keep lunch the same size as dinner, and you will be less likely to over-indulge at night, yet you can enjoy a small late night snack without the fear of it sticking to your middle,” explains Bender.

10. You have to sweat to have a good workout.
False. Tyne says “Sweating is not necessarily an indicator of exertion—sweating is your body’s way of cooling itself.” It is possible to burn a significant number of calories without breaking a sweat: try taking a walk, or doing some light weight training or working out in a swimming pool.

Sex Goes Beyond the Bedroom at Middle Age

Beverly Mahone

Is there a difference love-making and making love? My answer is, absolutely! Love-making, in my opinion, is a physical act between two people. Making love, on the other hand, goes much deeper into the spiritual connection between the couple.

It’s the same with comparing sex and intimacy. Intimacy is more than sex or making love. It's more of a combination of the physical AND emotional connection you feel with your partner. Intimacy involves a soul connection between two people.

While instant chemistry can be exciting and thrilling, the chemistry that makes marriages work usually grows over time. This special chemistry between two people involves excellent communication and self sacrifice more than physical attraction. It takes trust, patience, and willingness to talk and to listen.

With greater intimacy, married couples tend to have a more satisfying and fulfilling romantic life. They learn how to do the things that please each other. They learn how to communicate. Being able to express what you want is important and genuinely listening to your spouse are key factors in building an intimate romance.

So how can you grow in intimacy with you the person you committed the rest of your life to?

Determine what you really need out of the relationship. Is friendship more important than financial stability? Or must the bills be paid on time even if your spouse doesn’t have much time with you? Can you sacrifice long conversations for more affectionate behavior? Or do you need to talk things out no matter how long it takes? The list can go on.

Determine what your spouse really needs. At first your husband or wife may be reluctant to share what he or she needs. They may have never really thought about it in an organized fashion. Maybe it would help to have him/her write down his/her desires when he/she is relaxed. Some suggestions: do a really nice deed for your partner like, drawing a warm bath or cooking a nice meal. Then ask them to take the time to think about what they need in the relationship.

Make an effort to change your behavior everyday. If your partner needs more space, give it to them. If they need more of your time, make yourself available no matter what. Learn how to tune in to your mate’s needs and desires will go a long way towards maintaining harmony in the relationship. Also, try a little spontaneity from time to time. Surprise your spouse with a special candlelight dinner or a nice body massage after a hard day’s work.

Take care of yourself. If you are frazzled, you won’t be a fun person to be around. Make sure that you have your own “me” time everyday where you can pray, meditate, and take care of your personal needs. Whether it’s writing in a journal, reading a good book, going to the spa or just doing nothing at all, give yourself some space so when you come back together, you’ll appreciate each other even more.

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